Say NO. And no...really means no.

Children need to know that you are the boss. Sometimes this means that you need to tell them no. I’ve seen so many parents make this mistake over and over:

“Mommmmm….can I have the candy?” …”No, no candy now” “…But MOMMMMMYYY come onnnn. I’ll only have one piece” “…No, no candy now” …”MOMMMM YOU ARE SO UNFAIR PLEASE?!” “No, you can have a piece after dinner” (mistake number 1- giving them what they want as a prize once you've already said no undermines your authority.)

…Or, picture this same conversation, but in a public place- you are embarrassed and do not want your child causing a scene, so somewhere after “I’ll only have one piece”, you hurriedly give in with a “Fine, but ONLY ONE PIECE”. Yea, right. This tiny little situation may seem like nothing. But it is representative of a child’s state of mind, and again undermines your authority.

These situations usually start around age 2, during the 'terrible twos' (partially why they are known as such, along with irrational tantrums- aren't those fun?) and can often morph until the teens where it becomes even worse and end with statements like “MOM YOU ARE SO UNFAIR, I HATE YOU.”

They don’t hate you. And even if they do, it's not going to last long. But how DO you deal with this situation keeping yourself, and your child sane?

The solution is very age dependent. The important thing to remember about children is that in different age groups, they are doing things for different reasons. When you have a toddler throwing a tantrum (...whether rational or irrational), it is usually because they are trying to learn where the boundaries are, and the issues start to happen when you do not establish them properly around that time. If a child, at any age, knows that with enough prodding they can get you to do nearly anything- they will do just that. Trust me. Then when you really are serious about something, they don’t treat it as such and drive halfway to insanity. So you have to say no the first time, and keep it no. When they start to fuss, remove them from the situation and refuse- I am talking flat out refuse to address it any further. Sometimes this means leaving where ever it is you are...although a lot of times picking them up and quietly explaining in a gentle but very firm voice what just happened (e.g. "sweetie, I know you want the candy, but when Mommy says no she means no"...and that's that, no more addressing it until they calm down.) While this technique takes time and patience and is NOT ALWAYS convenient (yes, I know!), I assure you, it works. They slowly WILL learn that when you say no, that is the END of the conversation, and there is no more to be said. Am I making it sound overly simplistic? That’s because it is, but you have to be far more stubborn than your child.

With younger children, it is also sometimes important to distract them (because they don't always understand)...but that is for another post!